Aalborg Hammer
6:36 Mon Mar 25
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Just cost me a pound , yes , one English pound ,to put air in my car tyres .Used to be 20p - suppose that's inflation for you
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Aalborg Hammer
1:15 Fri Mar 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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My mate used to call his wedding anniversary day "Bruce Lee day" 'cos he used to go home and Enter the Dragon
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Aalborg Hammer
2:36 Thu Mar 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A bloke comes home from work * and says to his wife "Do you want to try a new sex position? " "OK" she says "What do I have to do?"
He says "It's called the wheelbarrow - take all your clothes off and lie on the floor face down - I'll pick your legs up, enter you from behind and you set off walking on your hands"
"OK" she says "but don't go past my Mum's house"
*Not the same bloke as the flavoured condom joke
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MaryMillingtonsGhost
1:21 Thu Mar 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Koi fish always travel in groups of four.
If attacked, Koi A, B and C will scatter, leaving behind the D Koi.
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Aalborg Hammer
1:10 Wed Mar 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I got a call from my son's school today...
"Hello ,is that Mr.Jenkins?"
"Yes ,how can I help??"
"Hi,this is little Billy's music teacher"
"Oh-hello"
"Yeah hi,I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands"
"Really ?? Wow!!"
"Yeah- we found him dead on the toilet"
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Aalborg Hammer
2:38 Tue Mar 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I bought an old Elvis record from the market “Wooden Leg”
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang Wooden Heart?”
He said "No...This is the pirate version"
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Aalborg Hammer
2:34 Tue Feb 27
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Dogs can't operate MRI machines - cats can
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Briano
4:35 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Knock knock
Who’s there
Impatient cow
ImpatMOO
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OK_Guy
2:00 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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what do you call a blind German?
...a 'not see'
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Aalborg Hammer
12:41 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Bloke comes home from work and says to his wife " Do you fancy a sex game??" " Ok" she says " What do I have to do?" He says "I've got a box of flavoured condoms,all you've got to is guess which is which" She dives under the table and says " Cheese and onion?" He says " Hold on,I haven't put one on yet"
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arsene york-hunt
9:07 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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My all time favourite from Tommy Cooper:
They say 1 in 5 of the world's population is Chinese.
Well there are 5 in my family.
There's Mum and Dad, Me my brother Dave and my other brother Chang Lee..........
I think it's Dave
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joyo
3:07 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Why does the modern day Italian navy buy glass bottomed ships?
So that they can see the old Italian navy.
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boleyn8420
1:19 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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How do you tell when a clock is hungry
It goes back four seconds
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chim chim cha boo
4:48 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I used to cringe at some of the shitty jokes on here but now look back with nostalgia, realising that you are keeping the memory of dear old Ted Fenton, king of the shit joke +and the weather forecast) alive, God bless him.
So carry on boys.
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Mike Oxsaw
1:42 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I dreamt last night that I had Alzheimer's.
Woke up this morning, couldn't remember a thing.
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mtchammer
7:57 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I guessed orange but it was chocolate; I guessed toffee but it was peanut; I guessed strawberry but it was coffee.
I was wrong on so many Revels.
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Aalborg Hammer
1:25 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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My dad wanted his ashes pressed into a record.
It was his vinyl request.
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Aalborg Hammer
3:11 Thu Jan 11
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Millennials are pissing me off - walking around like they rent the place
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onfiresquire
8:48 Sat Dec 30
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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What's the difference between jam and marmalade?
You can't marmalade your cock up your girlfriend's arse
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Helmut Shown
4:14 Sat Dec 30
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A boy asks his mother “Mum, how does a buffalo mate?”
The mother replies “I don’t know son, you’re father’s a Mason”
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Bungo
1:52 Wed Dec 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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*race even...
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